Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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