Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
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i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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