her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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