I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
