That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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