Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
