PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
