allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
