I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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