where am i from again
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
