I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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