When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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