It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
