You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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