she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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