I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
