I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
