Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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