I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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