It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
