I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
