i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
