Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
