Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize