i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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