I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
