the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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