I think my vagina is haunted
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
