I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
