I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
