What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i've created a new STD.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
