were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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