Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
