Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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