I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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