Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
