What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
