a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thank you for not boning my boss.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We need a shit load of segways right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
