this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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