i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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