Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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