Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
