I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
