did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
