sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't motorboat a personality
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
