We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
