I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
