Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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