I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
