You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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