I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
