So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
