It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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