Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
