Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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