i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
