The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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