You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize