when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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