I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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