I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
worst night to have a conscience
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
