Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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