with your own penis?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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